Time is on my side…yes it is.

The most valuable lesson man has learned from his dog is to kick a few blades of grass over it and move on. ~Robert Brault

Old LFBA has not died despite the fact that the blogging entries are few and far between these days. The Titan Chronos continues to weave his inevitable tapestries as time moves forward whether I participate willingly or not.  This last holiday season was now the 3rd endured with my family broken.  There is more daily normalcy as this progresses. There remain moments of remorse especially when my son remarks that he does not know what momma was thinking….but we get through.  The big pile of emotional and financial manure left by X is slowly composting and every day I kick a little more grass on it. Maybe one day, it will be the best flower bed in the neighborhood!!

Love and Attachment

The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread.  ~Mother Teresa

Places That Bind

You can fall in love at first sight with a place as with a person.  ~Alec Waugh

I’m back up on the island in the pacific northwest at the house I bought for us. the second we saw this place, we fell in love with it. I love it still but hate the memories it conjures. Truthfully, I love the memories but hate that they no longer coincide with the truth as I know it now. This is my 5th incursion back since my marriage fell apart again. I wish I could say that it’s easier to be here now, but it is not.  I’m here with my son….trying to make new memories that he and I can take with us. It is what it is, but feels incomplete.

Just a Quick Note

Knowledge is the true organ of sight, not the eyes.  ~Panchatantra

I just popped in to the blogosphere to say hello. I have not abandoned you all…but have been buried in my own thoughts for a while.  X is engaged to J. They are getting married in September. This is not knowledge I was hoping to have.   It has caused some turmoil amongst his children (well 3 of 4 anyway).

Owning The Past

One cannot and must not try to erase the past merely because it does not fit the present.  ~Golda Meir

My past is varied and diverse.  By some accounts I have done a lot and by others I’ve done nothing. No matter the comparison, my past was always mine. I owned it.

A Bit Numb

There’s one sad truth in life I’ve found While journeying east and west – The only folks we really wound Are those we love the best. We flatter those we scarcely know, We please the fleeting guest, And deal full many a thoughtless blow To those who love us best. ~Ella Wheeler Wilcox

I’m on the road at the moment and have been remiss in keeping up with the haps in the sphere of blogs.  I’ll get back to it soon.  As I type, I’m in my house in the Pacific Northwest. The vast-land of Canada is only about 20 miles away. It’s beautiful up here. From my deck I can see other islands silhouetted in the distance.

I’m Fixing a Hole….

I’m fixing a hole where the rain gets in

And stops my mind from wandering

Where it will go

The Future of My Past…Redux

In many of the blogs I have been reading lately, there has been a common theme of remorse at the loss of promise that divorce brings.  Even among some who initiated the divorce, this sadness is evident. So, I thought it pertinent to re-post something I put up here many months ago.

Trust and Communcation … part III

As I sit here alone in my big house, devoid of my family…I realize I need some levity.  Hope these bring a smile to you too.

Guess How Much I Love You.

Our most basic instinct is not for survival but for family.  Most of us would give our own life for the survival of a family member, yet we lead our daily life too often as if we take our family for granted.  ~Paul Pearshall

The blog title “Guess How Much I Love You” is the title of a kid’s book. (really though I think it’s a parent’s book).  I came across this book on the shelves a few weeks ago. In case you don’t know the story, it’s about a Dad and Child rabbit “competing” to prove that they love the other more. 

I used to read this book to Z frequently. Every time I did, tears would well up and I was filled with emotion.

The One Armed Man

In the days when Television was mostly black&white, a show aired called The Fugitive.  The elusive and ethereal one-armed man was sought through the series.  I want you to know, that I have found him.

Does This Smell Bad to You?

My Last post was an article from Psychology Today called Walk Away Wife. It raises a number of points and makes me think about the demise of my own marriage.  I thought I’d take a look at it in more detail here …with the article inserted and comments added.

walk away wife

I got referred to this article from Psychology Today.  Although the title is Walk Away Wife, I think it can also apply to men. It’s an interesting read. I’ll leave it alone for right now, and then may dissect it relating what I feel are pertinent points for my impending divorce.

Snuggle

I went to pick up my son (Z) from his after school day care. I have not seen him in 6 days and was missing him terribly. Last I saw him, I had to turn him over to other semi-parental unit when he was sick. I hated that.

the significance of sadness

Ahhhh….here it is What you have all been waiting for (said with a hint of sarcasm). LFBA’s last post of 2011. 

“Sadness gives depth. Happiness gives height. Sadness gives roots. Happiness gives branches. Happiness is like a tree going into the sky, and sadness is like the roots going down into the womb of the earth. Both are needed, and the higher a tree goes, the deeper it goes, simultaneously. The bigger the tree, the bigger will be its roots. In fact, it is always in proportion. That’s its balance.”    ―      Osho,        Everyday Osho: 365 Daily Meditations for the Here and Now

 My past, present and future were shattered again beginning Jan 1, 2010.  Sadness has definitely sunk its roots for the past 2 years.