Hindsight Makes Mincemeat of Intention.

Collecting intelligence information is like trying to drink water out of a fire hydrant. You know, in hindsight It’s great. The problem is there’s a million dots at the time.
Louis Freeh

Time is on my side…yes it is.

The most valuable lesson man has learned from his dog is to kick a few blades of grass over it and move on. ~Robert Brault

Old LFBA has not died despite the fact that the blogging entries are few and far between these days. The Titan Chronos continues to weave his inevitable tapestries as time moves forward whether I participate willingly or not.  This last holiday season was now the 3rd endured with my family broken.  There is more daily normalcy as this progresses. There remain moments of remorse especially when my son remarks that he does not know what momma was thinking….but we get through.  The big pile of emotional and financial manure left by X is slowly composting and every day I kick a little more grass on it. Maybe one day, it will be the best flower bed in the neighborhood!!

Time With My Heir

My son Z chose to play baseball this fall instead of soccer.   Of course, I love this. I can coach Baseball….I know virtually nothing about how to play soccer.  If I have to learn this, eventually I will…but right now, I’m digging on baseball with my son. This is our time and nobody can take it away.

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s
life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if
there are men on base.  ~Dave Barry

Random Mental Meanderings

How reluctantly the mind consents to reality!  ~Norman Douglas

Wow…so simple, yet so true.  We live inside our wants and desires. We hold fast to our memories and fantasies. We cling to the safety of what was.

Tides of Change

Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age.  Sometimes age just shows up all by
itself.  ~Tom Wilson

I have often said that age is much too high a price to pay for wisdom. The above is true though. Age is inevitable. Wisdom must be sought or learned from (often bad) experience. Now, the Buddhist in me, or the Taoist in me, or the Scientist in me will argue that no experiences are inherently bad…we just choose to interpret them that way. But the betrayed husband in me and the father in me can find an easy judgment leaning away from neutrality about the experiences happening these past 2+ years.

Places That Bind

You can fall in love at first sight with a place as with a person.  ~Alec Waugh

I’m back up on the island in the pacific northwest at the house I bought for us. the second we saw this place, we fell in love with it. I love it still but hate the memories it conjures. Truthfully, I love the memories but hate that they no longer coincide with the truth as I know it now. This is my 5th incursion back since my marriage fell apart again. I wish I could say that it’s easier to be here now, but it is not.  I’m here with my son….trying to make new memories that he and I can take with us. It is what it is, but feels incomplete.

Just a Quick Note

Knowledge is the true organ of sight, not the eyes.  ~Panchatantra

I just popped in to the blogosphere to say hello. I have not abandoned you all…but have been buried in my own thoughts for a while.  X is engaged to J. They are getting married in September. This is not knowledge I was hoping to have.   It has caused some turmoil amongst his children (well 3 of 4 anyway).

Dia De Los Muertos

I have been away from the blogosphere for quite some time now. I have loosely kept up with other posts and even in my absentia been nominated for a couple of those bloggy awards.  I appreciate the nominations and I hope that means that someone is getting something useful from this. I have not yet responded to any of the award nominations….and I probably won’t, but I appreciate the sentiment.

Conviction of Purpose….or maybe not.

It may be time to get back in the saddle, as it has been over two weeks since my last original post. Mind you…I never promised I would write regularly (lucky for you!!)

A silly idea is current that good people do not know what temptation means. This is an obvious lie. Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is…. A man who gives in to temptation after five minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later. That is why bad people, in one sense, know very little about badness. They have lived a sheltered life by always giving in. ~C.S. Lewis

365

Time is the longest distance between two places.  ~Tennessee Williams

365…days. Today being the last of them, when this rambling collection of confused and angry detritus first found its way to the blogosphere. Yep. A year has passed. An interminable distance between then and now. The longest span of a year I have ever known.

Ahhhh….It’s Baseball Season

On the green they watched their sons Playing till too dark to see, As their fathers watched them once, As my father once watched me ~Edmund Blunden

When we found out X was pregnant over 9 years ago now, I knew we were having a son. Whether that was wishful or wistful thinking I don’t know, but it just felt right to think that. 

Owning The Past

One cannot and must not try to erase the past merely because it does not fit the present.  ~Golda Meir

My past is varied and diverse.  By some accounts I have done a lot and by others I’ve done nothing. No matter the comparison, my past was always mine. I owned it.

I’m Fixing a Hole….

I’m fixing a hole where the rain gets in

And stops my mind from wandering

Where it will go

The Future of My Past…Redux

In many of the blogs I have been reading lately, there has been a common theme of remorse at the loss of promise that divorce brings.  Even among some who initiated the divorce, this sadness is evident. So, I thought it pertinent to re-post something I put up here many months ago.

Trust and Communcation … part III

As I sit here alone in my big house, devoid of my family…I realize I need some levity.  Hope these bring a smile to you too.